| This Journal is my private Muse Journal for Lai |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|12:18 am] |
Lai: it was the next morning and i was standing by my car all the knives and pills i owned were in a bag in the back seat along with a suit case. I looked up at the house and sighed* Heartbreaker, Alex, I love you both so much but i need help. I can't take the pain anymore *Whispering not knowing paul was right behind me
Paul: What pain, baby? What pain can you not take?
Lai: *spinning around i find him behind me His eyes looking at me with concern* The pain of loveing you and hating Hunter, THe pain of watching lexie call two men daddy, the pain of not knowing if you still love me like you did before the rape. *Stops then composes myself* I'm going to go stay wtih Wildcat, He found me cutting yesterday, I lied to you yesterday
Paul: *I'm stunned by her confessions. Especially one in particular.* You don't think I love you like I did before the rape? Lai, I love you MORE now than I did then!
Lai: *Shaking my head* Till i get my head straight I can't believe it *Starts to get in my car* I need help paul and here I can't get it. I left a note with shawn for alex and him to read after i've left I need them to take care of lexie till i'm better. Chris has promised me to help
Paul: So will I. *I say, getting in on the other side.* You're not shutting me outta this, baby. I wanna help you, and I'm gonna help you.
Lai: Okay, *Gets in and starts to head for Chris's house.* I"m sorry i didn't tell you *tears filling my eyes.* i was out and he found me cutting and told me he'd help me
Paul: *I take her hand and wipes her eyes.* It's okay baby. You had your reasons. I'm just glad Chris did find you. He's a good man and a good friend. Together, we will help you.
Lai: it was several hours when i pulled into Harris's driveway. I grabbed the gym back with my weapons and pills and walked up to where harris was standing and hand him the bag
Keeping one knife in my boot hoping he didn't want paul to search me
Chris: *I look her over as she hands me the bag. I look in her eyes..............then hold out my hand.* Hand it over.
Lai: Hand what over Chris *smiling at him lying thru my teeth*
Chris: *I lower my head slightly, glaring at her.* Hand over the one you're hiding. I know you've got one put back.
Paul: *I look over at Lai, and search with my eyes where she would hide one. I growl, knowing EXACTLY where. I bend down and remove the blade from her boot, handing it to Chris.* Here ya go, Cat.
Chris: You want my help? There will be NO lies, Lai. You will tell me the truth at all times. If I find another blade, you will watch me destroy it.
Lai: *Glares at paul and Cat.* Fine, I did put one back.
Lai: *Sighing I reach into my my cargo pants and pull out three more blades, and six pills along wiht my stash of Pot* YOu wanna search me now
Chris: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Come inside. *I lead the way into the bedroom, and turn to her.* Strip.
Lai: Excuse me *Looks at him like he's grown three heads. and i'm knot talking three Dicks* YOu want me to strip
Chris: I want honesty, Lai. So far since you've been here, you have tried to keep blades and pills hidden from me. *I shake my head.* I don't like lying. I wanna help you. More than anything, but, you WILL be honest with me. Now, strip,.
Lai: Hanging my head in shame i start to strip none of the teasing i usually doo, just a stripping my clothes off, and standing there in my under garments the new cut marks standing out vividly against my skin
Paul: *I gasp, seeing all the cut marks. I run my fingers over them, kissing them.* My poor baby. *I whisper.* No more. No more of this.
Chris: *I nod at Paul and Lai.* You heard him. No more Lai. No more lies, no more cutting, no more drugs. *I walk up to her, and kiss her gently.* You've got a lot to live for. You've got a lot of love in your life. That's worth anything. *I smile* Even stripping down to your undies.
Lai: tears running down my face as i pull out one more bag of pills.* take them Though i'm telling you the truth here, I've got a bad knee and htose are the pain killers they gave me for it. I'll need one at Bedtime otherwise i won't sleep *reaching for my clothes but stopping as paul took my wrist in his hand
Paul: No need for tears baby. We are here to help. If you need the pills, come to us. We'll give you what you need. Not what you want.
Lai: *Feeling chris come behind me as i look at Paul feeling kinda short now* I'm sorry i lide to both of you I just couldn't take it anymore
Chris: *I wrap my arms around her.* Now, you won't have to. Now, you can heal. Physically and emotionally. Anything you need, you'll get. *I smile at Paul who's nodding in agreement.*
Paul: ANYTHING you need from us, baby. You will get.
Lai: seeing the look in pauls eyes I lean forward in Chris's arms and whisper* You'r emy addictin Paul you and chris right now
Paul: It's a better addiction that blades and pills. This addiction is to love.
lai: will you two just hold me right now, let me know that i can still feel *Feeling numb inside*
Chris: *Me and Paul wrap her in our arms, and kiss every inch we can reach.*
Lai: Tears still streaming down my face feeling nothing now i push them away as i curl up and cry* I'm so sorry, that i can't be t he woman you want me to be reaching for my pants going to put them back on, needing to get out of here
Chris: You're confused right now. *I stop her putting her pants on.* You are the woman we want you to be. You just have to believe that. Give it time, Lai. You'll soon see.
Lai: looking at chris and paul i see only men who want my body, not what i can give them as a person i start diggin thru teh pockets forgetting i gave chris all the blades till i reach my keys. I grab them and run to the bathroom thankful i had the swiss army knife on it
Chris: *I give chase, and block her from shutting the door.* Gimme your keys. *I growl.*
Paul: *I watch as she hands over her keys.* Lai, Please!
Lai: Fuck you Harris *as i hand over the keys.* i start for the bedroom and my clothes seing paul taking them and throwing them in Chris's bedroom and locking the door.* What the fuck are you thinking
Paul: I'm thinking that the person I love. The woman I love is intent on leaving and destroying her life as well as Lexie's. I won't stand for it, Lai. You still believe everything Hunter ever said about you. When HE is the one lying.
Lai: *Snarling at him when he brings Lexie into it* Don't you ever say that. I love my daughter, I"d do anything for her, I was even willing to Marry Hunter at one time because he said he would take care of us unlike a man who sleeps with Two men *I go to attack him only to find myself ppicked up and carried into the bathroom and thrown into the shower where the cold water is falling on me hard looking up at chris as he makes sure i'm completly soaked
Paul: *Her words cut me like a knife in my heart. I turn and walk outta the bathroom, tears streaming. That's what's gotten into her. The face I love 2 men and her.*
Chris: You stay there until you come to your senses. There was no call in saything that to him. *I growl at her.* You are hurting right now, and you're making sure others do too. Think about what you said and tell me what was wrong with it.
Lai: Its the truth. Hunter said that at least he would be faithful to me and my daughter unlike a man who slept with two me...n *trailing off as i realized those two men were the same me who loved me and i loved. i start sobbing as i realized the hit i did before coming was making me say things i didn't want to say
Chris: Hunter. Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The same one that raped you, beat you, kidnapped you. This man you believe over the one's that love you for who you are, not, what you can give them. You are messed up. And, you will dry out and heal. And, I will do it alone.
Paul: *I find beer in the bar in the den, and take out a few. I go outside and walk around, drinking the beer. Maybe I need a change in my life too. Maybe I need to leave Shawn and Alex. To make Lai understand I love her.*
Lai: I stay in the shower till my lips are blue and i'm shivering, My dark hair plastered to my head* Chris can i come out now *Teeth chattering so much i can't speak
Chris: Your head clear yet?
Lai: I;m sorry for saying those things but i'm so cold *teeth chattering now.* I need to apologize to paul
Chris: Alright, come out and dry off. Get some warm clothes on.
Lai: Getting out of the tub was more of an ordeal then i thought once i was out and had towel wrapped around me, Chris led me to the spare room and gave me some clothes* Are these James'. *Asking once they were on as they were a little big on me
Chris: No. *I say, leaving her alone to dress.*
Lai: once dressed I see some paper and i start to write. once i started to write the letters to paul and chris I start to get drowsy, I drop off on the letter to chris, my head pillowed on the desk
Chris: *I pick her up, and carry her to bed. Once she's settled, I go back out to read the letters she started writing. I rip them up, and throw them away. I shake my head and grab a beer. This is gonna take a lot of time.*
Alex: Seeing the letter from Lai and noticng paul was gone, I gave him a call but got his voice mail * DArk rose, where have you and lil rose gone, give us a call, Love you baby
Paul: *I listen to the message, and cry harder. I'm gonna have to give him and Shawn up. To prove to Lai that Hunter was wrong. That I do love her. Her and my daughter. I see the bikes parked in the yard and hop on one, heading to town and the nearest bar.*
Lai: WAkes up to the sound of a motor cycle starting up and taking off. I look over to where my apology letters had been and sw they were gone. I wander outside and see Chris. I wrap my arms up in the sweatshirt and look at him. * Chris, I'....I"m....I'm sorry
willdwulfer42: Chris: I'm not the one you need to apologize to. He just took off on one of your bikes. He's going to go get drunk.
ajsgirllaurel20: Can you please go get him, I"m not in any kind of shape to be riding a motorcycle, I took some pills before coming up here and i know thats wrong to ask you to do this, but I can't go
Chris: I'm not leaving you alone for you to be gone when we get back. *I shake my head.* No, I won't do it.
Chris: *I hold up a ring I found on the back railing. I read the inscription.* Know what this is?
Lai: Shaking my head seeing the ring* Did paul leave it *Reaches out for it my fingers tentavliy taking it from his fingers* I'll stay in the car, You've got my keys and this car has doors that once locked can't be open fromt he inside
Chris: *I nod.* Yeah, he left it. It's only one of 2 I found. One came from Alex. *I hold that one up.* The one you have came from Shawn.
Lai: I read the enscribion. MY dark rose, love you always* Oh god what have i done *My fingers tigting on the ring* chris can you please help me get him back here
Chris: *I nod.* I'll take you. But, I doubt he'll listen to anyone right now.
Paul: *I'm heading for town, but, my tears make it difficult to see. I find a dirt road off to the right, and take it. I park the bike in between the trees and sit there.* God, Lai. Why? Why did you say that? I love you so very much.
Lai: sitting in the passenger seat holding the ring.* i'm such a bitch, I didn't mean to say that to him. What was I thinking
Chris: You weren't thinking. I don't believe you would have said that if it wasn't for the drugs. You just gotta make him realize that. And, hope he takes you back. Instead of being the loner you wanted to be yourself.
Lai: it was several minutes later when i spotted the bike.* over there *pointing to where my bike was and paul leaning against it. chris pulled up and i got out.* Paul. Paul its Lai
Paul: *I don't hear the car pull up, nor, anyone talking. My mind's gone somewhere else. My heart's shattered.*
Lai: this must have been what shawn was talking about when i was raped, He just shut down. I walke up to him and continue to talk to him* Baby i'm sorry, i didn't mean those words, IT would be hypocritical of me to say something like that when i do the exact same thing. I love you, Shawn, alex and chris, don't make me realize how lonely my life would be with out you in it
Chris; *I watch from the driver's seat as she approaches Paul. He doesn't seem to be here in this world. The vacant look in his eyes.* Oh, no
Lai: Taking paul's hand and leads him to the car. I place him in the back seat and sits with him.* the bike can wait, i need to get him to a safe place where i can try to heal my mistake
Chris: *I look back in the backseat, and see Paul's staring unblinking. I nod, and start the car. I head us back to my house. I help get him inside and on the couch.*
Lai: kneeling in front of paul i look into his eyes.* He's done ths before, Once when i was raped then when hunter took me again. I don't know what to do *laying my head in his lap
Chris: What happened those two times to cause this?
Lai: He watched me being raped the first time and the second, because he just found out Alexia was his daughter and i wanted to be with him
Chris: He watched you being raped? Didn't he try to help?
Lai: Shaking my head against his lap* He couldn't, two guys held him down as hunter rapped me, then i had to watch as he was raped too
Chris: *My eyes widen at that.* He was..........raped too? By who?
Lai: Hunter. *shaking now reliving the rape* He said i was good but wanted to know if my boyfriend was better
Chris: That son of a bitch *I hiss* Who brought him outta it?
Lai: Shawn the first time, But me and alex the second time *My hand gripping pauls as it did when he was raped, i had just barely reached him when i was pulled away from him by hunter's two goons* i looked up at paul before pressing a kiss to his lips
Paul *I hear Shawn's name and tears flow once again. My Texas Rose. I have to let him go, I have to give him up. To prove I love Lai. And, only her.*
Lai: Feeling the tears coming down his face as i continue to kiss him.* Come back to me paul. I need you, Need you shawn, and alex
Paul: Shawn. Alex. *I whisper.* Goodbye, my loves.
Lai: NO paul, don't, God, i was so stupid I did a hit of coke that Alex had forgotten about, I never meant to say those words. You were right i was believeing everything hunter ever told me
Paul: He was right. I was wrong to love you, and 2 men too. I need to love only one, and that's you. *I kiss her back.* And, I do love you. *I look up at
Chris.* Please send those rings back to them. I'll write a letter to each of them, telling them goodbye.
Chris: *I nod* If that's what you want.
Lai: "Don't you dare Christopher *looks at paul* They love you and i love you all, you're all i need to make me whole, Including chris, Would you make me give them up
Paul: You love them too? Shawn, Alex.............*I look back up.* AND Chris?
Lai: And You *Whispering againt his lips as i look into his eyes.* MOre than anything
Paul: I love you, so very much. *I whisper, kissing her again.*
Lai: I'm so sorry for saying those words. I need help and i need it now *Whispering into his ear and sighing softly as i feel his lips on my neck...then a pair on my shoulder jumping when i feel hands on my waist
Paul *I kiss her neck. Looking over, as Chris kisses her shoulder, wrapping his hands around her waist.*
LaI: I promise no more lies, NO more secrets *feeling thier lips on my skin as wella s thier hands
Chris: Good. No more lies or secrets. Only love, only truth. |
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